I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
