Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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