I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize