I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
