Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
