I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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