i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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