I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
