i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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