party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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