The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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