I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
