we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
