I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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