Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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