I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
