actually, I'm a sock model
barbara walters just said penis...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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