a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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