I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
