Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
