Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
