We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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