Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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