So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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