Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
