i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
