Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
