does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
