Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
