i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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