So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
