people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
