I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How's work?
Spinning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i think my cat just said my name.
You are the jesus of drinking
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
