my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
