Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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