Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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