i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
