So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Houston, we have a squirter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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