There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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