don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize