Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
