listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
