so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
