I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Even my vagina gasped.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
