I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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