why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
