I wish my penis had an off switch
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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