you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
