I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
