he thought i was a dude.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I see more hoeing in ur future
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