There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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