Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
