he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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