I could make wine with my vomit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
FUCK WHALES
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
