New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
