I want to walk on stilts...naked
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i've created a new STD.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
