the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
