Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
last night I used snow as a chaser
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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