Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Randomize