I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
