Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
