I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
